


here comes the sun

by violinbee



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Eventual Smut, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Seo Changbin-centric, excessive use of metaphors abt sunrises, tbh this is pretty self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21728431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violinbee/pseuds/violinbee
Summary: Changbin just wants a friend, damn it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 276





	here comes the sun

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to min ([seochangbin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seochangbin/pseuds/seochangbin) on ao3) and my girlfriend for beta reading this.

_“Little darling,_

_It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter.”_

Changbin sat in the living room, knees touching the wall as he peered out the window. He’d drawn the curtains back, giving him one of the best views of Seoul’s sunrise. It was still dark, only the beginnings of an orange glow burning on the edges of the horizon. 

So much had changed in the last year. Idol life was no joke; Changbin had moved out and into a dorm with 8 other boys, who were just as starry eyed and hopeful as him. They were a group now, with dreams of music and fame. What began as Chan, Changbin, and Jisung messing around with GarageBand had turned into so much more, quicker than Changbin could process. 

It wasn’t that Changbin wasn’t good at making friends, no, not at all. He would go as far as to say that he _enjoyed_ making friends. Sure, it took some time for him to cozy up to people he didn’t know, but he had been told that he was talkative and bright (by his parents). It also wasn’t that his group members were somehow bad or treating him wrongly, though this would’ve been easier to handle— but alas, nothing was cut and dry when it came to Changbin. 

His foot just happened to have found a permanent home in his mouth.

The others were great, they really were. Changbin had always been closer to Jisung and Chan because he’d known them the longest but he really _did_ like everyone else. His predicament was that they were all so close. This wouldn’t be a problem had Changbin not been too quiet to actually participate in the team-building process when they’d fought their way through it. All he had ever really wanted was to be included but Changbin had never been dealt a good hand, it seemed. So, here he was, sipping on bitter coffee, watching the sunrise alone in a home that wasn’t his own. 

_Blue_. Changbin could see the start of a blue sky, creeping its way amongst the navy, dancing across the pink and red. He brought the mug to his lips and downed the rest of the coffee, cheap and heavily caffeinated. Another day, another chance, or at least, that’s what he told himself. 

*** 

A movie night had seemed like such a fun idea at first, so why was Changbin miserable? Why would they invite him at all if he was just going to be exiled to the far side of the couch? He seemed to be stuck in a shitty sitcom, cursed to being the butt every joke. He sat squished between Jisung who was cuddled up against Hyunjin. It was like third wheeling, except nobody was dating and Changbin was just socially inept. Or more appropriately, it was like excessively pathetic ninth wheeling. 

Everybody had sprawled out, limbs spread about haphazardly. They were all comfortably tucked against each other, eyes wide and focused on the bad horror movie on the screen. Hyunjin jolted when a monster flashed across the screen, the others giggling and poking fun at him. Changbin had felt like a fly on the wall the entire night.

Maybe it was his own fault. It seemed that every single time one of the others tried to engage him, he would flounder, coming off as an odd mixture of awkward and aloof. It was hard to watch and the others had seemed to take it as him not wanting to be talked to at all. 

“Changbin, hyung?” Jeongin’s voice sounded from the floor.

Changbin looked over, surprised to hear his name, “Huh?” 

“Do you want any popcorn?” The maknae asked innocently, lips spread in a cute smile as he offered the bowl of buttery kernels. 

Changbin faltered. This had to be just blatant pity— maybe one of the older members had asked him to offer. A popcorn scheme; winning over the outcast with a nostalgic snack. It sounded ridiculous but paranoia crawled across his skin, eating at his thoughts. Maybe if he hadn’t convinced himself that all genuinity was forced, he’d have an easier time connecting with people; god, he was beginning to sound like his therapist.

“I’m good, thanks.”

Jeongin’s smile dropped at the corners as he set the bowl down in Seungmin’s lap, “That’s okay, hyung, just let us know if you want some.”

Changbin cringed at himself. He really was the biggest asshole in the world. The room was beginning to feel suffocating and dark, his focus shifting completely from the movie and onto his own insecurities. Before he had fully thought through what he was doing, he was standing and mumbling an excuse about an upset stomach, scurrying off to his room the moment he was excused.

*** 

It was fine; it really was. Changbin hadn’t made an effort to voice his needs. But then again, the others hadn’t exactly made an effort to include him. The thought was discouraging, setting another heavy brick on the walls he’d built around himself. He really shouldn’t have been as bothered as he was, anyways. 

However, lying alone in a cold bed, tucked tightly under the blankets, Changbin wanted nothing more than to be held, to be sitting and watching the sky warm. 

The frustration pooled in his belly, the ugly feeling quickly melting into sadness, and then defeat. He couldn’t pinpoint when he started crying, only that his cheeks had grown wet. What had begun as silent tears quickly grew into hushed hiccups and then muffled sobs. He could hear the movie still playing in the living room— he hoped that was enough to distract from any sounds that slipped out. 

Changbin really had maxed out on the pitiful aspect, huh? Crying in his room because the other kids didn’t want to be his friends. It was like a tragic mirror of elementary school.

It was a knock at the door that snapped him back to reality. He felt the panic settle in his gut and quickly flipped onto his side, squeezing his eyes shut as he brought the blanket up to his chin. He could feign sleep, despite the hiccups and tears that seemed to never stop. There was another knock when he didn’t answer. 

After another few moments without an answer, Changbin thought it was safe to assume that whoever it was had left. He was wrong because almost as soon as he had the thought, he heard the door open, light peeking in through the crack. 

“Changbin? Are you here?” Chan’s words were just barely audible.

Changbin didn’t say a word, still trying to maintain that he was asleep. This clearly didn’t deter Chan, the older approaching the bed hesitantly. Changbin could hear his light footsteps, muted by his fluffy socks. The bed dipped when Chan sat and Changbin held his breath. There was nothing said between the two of them for several long moments. 

“Are you okay?” Chan finally asked, breaking the silence. 

Changbin still kept quiet. He knew that if he spoke, Chan would know immediately that he had been crying. He was never very good at hiding his feelings, especially when he was already vulnerable. He couldn’t face the embarrassment of crying in front of a band mate. 

Chan paused before speaking again, “It’s okay if you’re not.”

Those words were what finally broke Changbin, his eyes filling again with full force as his breath hitched. Damn it, Chan was so sincere that it hurt. Changbin wasn’t used to feeling this cared about. 

“Changbin, are you crying?” Chan asked, a hint of panic in his voice as he shifted on the bed, “Please, talk to me.”

Changbin shook his head and curled into himself further. He didn’t want to cry in front of anyone. He didn’t like feeling weak. 

“At least look at me. Please, Binnie.”

It was the nickname that made Changbin reconsider, a blush dusting his cheeks through his tears. He squirmed before slowly complying, sitting up with his blanket wrapped around his shoulders and turning to face Chan. He kept his eyes on the bed, too humiliated to actually look Chan in the eyes. 

Chan let out a small sigh. It sounded fond. He reached forward and gently tipped Changbin’s chin up with his index finger before withdrawing his hand. That action alone made Changbin freeze, lips parting in shock. 

“There you go. That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Chan was smiling, eyes kind and understanding, “Do you need to talk?” 

“Don’t want to t-talk,” Changbin said, voice raspy from the crying. Chan looked surprised that he answered verbally at all. 

The older thought for a few moments, mentally filing through his options. With any other member, he’d offer a cuddle and some comforting words. With Changbin, things became more complicated. As far as anybody knew, Changbin was uncomfortable with being touched and Chan didn’t want to cross any unspoken boundaries. 

He went out on a limb nevertheless, opening his arms with a half smile on his face, “Do you need a hug?” 

Changbin stared at him for several seconds, blinking. Chan was beginning to feel awkward and shy, moving to drop his arms when Changbin launched forward, clinging onto him tightly. He didn’t move at first but as soon as he fully processed what was happening, he was wrapping himself around the younger. 

Chan ran his hand up and down Changbin’s back, hushing him softly as he trembled. It made Chan’s chest hurt to see anybody like this. It made things worse when he realized that Changbin had probably been hurting much worse for a very long time. It was becoming clearer and clearer with every passing moment that Changbin needed this hug more than he had let on. 

Changbin knew he had to be cautious, but he was tired and Chan felt like the dawn, confident, beautiful, gentle. His touch was like fire against Changbin’s skin, the younger having ached for this. It was strange to finally get what he had been craving, temporarily satisfied. There was a churning though, deep inside of him that knew he wouldn’t be able to just settle for this. These were thoughts for another time, so he let himself be overtaken by the blue of the morning sky, by Chan. 

They sat like that for a long time, Changbin’s face buried into Chan’s shoulder with one of Chan’s arms looped loosely around his waist and the other playing with his hair. It didn’t take long for the sniffles to stop, the room quiet aside from the sounds of the film. Chan was about to speak when he realized that Changbin had fallen asleep, eyelashes wet and a content look on his face. 

Chan, not wanting to bother the younger, gently lay Changbin down onto the bed. As he went to pull away, however, Changbin let out a whine. Chan was a weak man and Changbin was not a person he could deny so, in his own personal act of ‘fuck it’, he kicked off his socks slipped into bed beside the younger. 

*** 

When Changbin woke up the next morning, he was warm. He attempted to shift when he realized that there were a pair of arms wrapped securely around his waist. His first instinct was to jerk away, not knowing how or _why_ someone was in his bed. He gave it another thought before the memories came flooding back from the previous night. He didn’t know whether to freak out or cuddle closer. 

He eventually decided to pull away, drawing a sleepy grunt of disapproval from the older boy beside him. Chan was adorably ruffled, curly hair sticking up in all directions as he tried to blink away the sleepiness. There was a frown on his face, “You okay? Wha’s happenin’?”

Changbin snorted despite himself. The sitcom comment had been a joke, but this was getting ridiculous, “You’re in my bed.”

Chan sat up quickly, making himself slightly dizzy as he tried to force himself awake, “Yes— so, about that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I did! It’s just that you weren’t letting go so I figured—“

“Shut up, hyung, it’s fine,” Changbin said, amused at how flustered Chan had gotten. His cheeks dusted over, cringing at his own literal clinginess but said nonetheless, “I’m actually… really okay with it, I was just confused.” 

“Really?” Chan asked, his voice jumping up an octave before confusion was painting his features, “Wait, don’t you.. like, have a thing about people?”

“What? No— what does that even mean?” Changbin asked, his expression mirroring Chan’s. 

Realization seemed to dawn on Chan’s face now, both because he’d phrased his initial statement really badly and because Changbin had dropped a revelation. His eyes were wide as he mentally slapped himself. Many pieces were falling into place as he thought over all the times Changbin had hinted at wanting to be more involved. He stumbled, “I— I’m so sorry! We all just kind of assumed because… you seem like a private person and you never really— I.. I didn’t even realize.” 

“That’s…” Changbin didn’t know how to respond. At least he understood why the others had acted how they did. He felt kind of stupid- Chan was right, he had always been a little awkward about touch, “I thought you guys just didn’t like me.”

“What?!” Chan exclaimed, eyes wide as he furiously shook his head, “No, why would you ever think that? We love you, Bin.” 

Changbin shrugged, “I was never really… I mean, you just all seemed so close, is all.” He hated the insecure edge to his voice, it hurt his pride to admit any of this out loud. 

“We want to be close with you too,” Chan countered, “ _I_ want to be close with you too. If you’ll let me.”

Just like that, the night turned to day. Changbin would’ve cried again had he not used up all his tears the night before. That’s all he wanted to hear, “I want to be close,” he mumbled. 

Chan didn’t know what to say to that, but the smile on his lips did most of the speaking. So did his next offer— he opened his arms just as he had done the night before. Changbin, less hysterical now, looked at Chan with teasing exasperation before dramatically falling into the older’s arms and curling up. 

Changbin had never felt so safe; he was curled up against one of the warmest people in the world. Chan was practically petting him, gently playing with his hair as he let out a deep breath. It was nice to finally be touched. Changbin’s skin was tingling pleasantly, his entire body feeling like jello in Chan’s hold. 

*** 

After that, Changbin began to open up. Bit by bit, the walls were taken down and he grew to be closer and closer to all of the members in a way that he hadn’t allowed himself before. He regretted being so cold in the first place, the guilt having manifested itself in apology ‘dates’ and weak tries at subtle acts of goodness. For example, they had _insisted_ that he had no business suddenly trying to win over their affections in the kitchen. After the company and the fire department had declared Changbin a walking fire hazard, he finally agreed to stop with dinner attempts. The others, were all just happy that things were beginning to settle, finally. 

Touching still remained entirely in the danger zone, conversation-wise. Skinship was a taboo subject for all the members except Chan. Changbin and Chan had grown closer in many fundamental ways; the younger, though he’d never admit it, relied on Chan. He would never seek out affection, far too shy but Chan was always more than happy to take that first step. 

Changbin never had to ask for anything. Chan was always just happy to give and keep giving. This made Changbin nervous; he knew Chan didn’t expect anything in return but at the same time, he felt as though he owed something to the older for being so carelessly kind. Besides, he wasn’t a charity. Chan would sling an arm around his shoulders when they were watching a movie, or he’d pull Changbin into back hugs while they loitered in the living room. He would do this all without a word of complaint, too. Changbin almost thought he enjoyed it but he knew better than to let the thought linger. 

It was on a particularly stormy night when Changbin jolted awake to the sound of booming thunder. He whimpered, pulling a stuffed animal close to his chest as he bit down on his knuckles. Lightning flashed through the curtains of the dorm windows, another loud boom echoing into the night, Changbin decided that he couldn’t be alone, so, like a well-adjusted adult, he wrapped his blanket around his shoulders and tucked Gyu under his arm as he threw his legs over the side of his bed.

He straightened his back and looked to see if Chan was in bed. Surprisingly enough, the older was fast asleep, snoring peacefully over the sounds of heavy rain. Changbin stood, inching toward the bed on the other side of the room, “Chan?” He whispered. 

Chan stirred but didn’t wake, mumbling something before he began snoring once more. 

Changbin was unamused, “Chan, wake up.” He inched forward further, nudging the older’s shoulder. He had barely touched Chan when more thunder bounced off the walls. A small yelp left him, his breathing becoming uneven. He felt trapped. He missed the oranges and pinks.

Changbin never asked for help but he needed it right now. 

Chan finally woke up, partially sitting up and looking around for the emergency. When he noticed Changbin’s shaky frame though, confusion twisted into worry, “Hey, you good?”

“I— can I sleep here tonight?” Changbin asked, getting right to the point. He had embarrassed himself enough as it was and he didn’t need to do so further. 

Chan’s mind staggered, not used to having the younger come to _him_. However, as soon as he’d allowed himself a moment to catch up, he scooted aside, throwing open his blanket and inviting Changbin to lay down. The younger sighed, dropping his own blanket and sliding under Chan’s. He felt a heavy arm loop around him, pulling him against a warm body.

Chan seemed to have already fallen asleep again, unconsciously pressing his nose into the nape of Changbin’s neck. For once, Changbin didn’t fight it. Instead, he slept as well. 

*** 

Chan had been irritable the entire day, snapping at the smallest of mistakes. Everybody was stressed to an extent, the comeback was near after all, but this felt unnecessary. Nobody knew what was wrong. Chan had never been the sort to scold his members, let alone snap at them.

So, naturally, when Chan had gotten annoyed and stormed off to his room in a dramatic show of anger, they knew they had to send someone after him. It was Woojin who initially offered to go, saying that he was the oldest so it made the most sense that he should be the first to help one of his dongsaengs.

Everybody turned to Changbin, murmuring in surprise when he chimed in, “It’s our room. I can talk to him.”

Felix had jumped in to ask if he was sure, the members looking between themselves before Woojin spoke up again, “Changbin, if you want to go then go. I know he trusts you.”

Changbin thanked Woojin, grateful for once that he was being given the benefit of the doubt, before quickly making his way to his and Chan’s shared bedroom. He didn’t bother knocking, walking in and shutting the door quietly behind him. Chan was laying in his bed, face buried in his pillows and hands balled into fists by his side. 

Changbin sighed, sitting on the bed beside Chan. He heard a muffled, “Go away.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” Changbin replied, stubborn.

Chan turned toward him, eyebrows pulled together as he quickly wiped at his cheeks, “I thought you were Woojin.”

Changbin gave a half smile, “Nope, just me.”

Chan sat up slowly, sniffling, and eyes red and puffy. Changbin had seen the older cry before, but everytime it hurt all the same. Chan wasn’t someone who cried very easy, especially not openly. 

“I’m glad it’s you,” the older said after a moments silence. 

Changbin felt something in his chest, something heavy. It wasn’t a bad weight, only a badly timed epiphany. He wasn’t quite sure what it meant just yet, only that Chan was the closest a person can come to a sunrise and to see him this dim felt wrong.

“I’m glad it’s me, too.”

Chan’s lips quirked at that, a knowing look in his eyes. Changbin had never been very good with words, so instead, he held out his hand for Chan to take. Chan accepted, watching the way their fingers closed together. It wasn’t much but it was enough for now.

*** 

Chan and Changbin had made casual affection a regular occurrence. What was the occasional cuddle quickly became sleepless nights when they weren’t curled around each other. Chan called it healthy, Changbin called it a dependency issue. He had grown to really love the feeling of being held and though this may not have come as a shock to many, it did to Chan who wasn’t used to anybody being so genuinely… cute.

Problems arose, however, when Changbin began to notice some developments within his supposedly platonic feelings. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly where comforting hugs became more but there was an irreversible shift. Maybe he was being greedy, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted to touch Chan, he wanted to be touched— and _not_ in a casual cuddle-buddy way. He wanted all from dates and goodnight kisses to intimacy and all these feelings were so new and overwhelming that he didn’t know what to do with them. 

They were cuddling. Changbin’s legs were around Chan’s torso, the two boys resting chest to chest with the younger sleepily rambling about this, that, and the other thing. He was fiddling with the strings of Chan’s hoodie, twisting it between his fingers as the older half-listened, growing rather sleepy himself. 

“Chan?”

Chan stirred and looked at Changbin, eyes half lidded, “What’s going on?”

Changbin chuckled, “Are you even listening to me?”

“No,” Chan huffed, stretching out his body momentarily before hooking an arm around Changbin’s waist and pulling him closer.

Changbin frowned, feigning offense, “You never listen to me, hyung!”

Chan let lips fall open, dramatically bringing one of his hands over his heart, “I _always_ listen to you!”

Changbin had to bite back any words that came to mind, dangerously close to confessing on the spot. Chan made things very difficult for him sometimes; the older was so cluelessly kind and accommodating, even when he didn’t need to be. He made Changbin feel real— this was new. 

It also made having feelings much harder. All of this did. Changbin was pining over his cuddle buddy and friend; it was _weird_ but he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t want to kiss the older until they’d stolen the breath off each other’s tongues. He knew he’d gotten himself in deep. 

“What are you thinking about?” Chan asked, his fingertips running over Changbin’s back.

Changbin shook his head, immediately deflecting, “Are you going to listen to me?”

Chan pouted, nudging the younger lightly, “Come on, I’m all ears now.” 

“It’s fine, hyung, nothing important,” Changbin sighed, shrugging it off in a way that only made Chan more curious. 

“If it’s not important, you don’t mind telling me, right?” Chan egged on, always the one to push.

Changbin rolled his eyes and sighed, “It’s embarrassing.”

Chan hummed in thought, halting his movements as he pondered through the ways he could get Changbin to just say what he was thinking. The younger would hole up if not encouraged, and no matter how many times Chan tried to explain that he really didn’t mind listening, Changbin would still pick suffering in silence over actually putting words to his thoughts. 

“Hyung, stop. I can hear you thinking and I swear it’s fine,” Changbin said, his resolve weakening the more Chan looked at him with those big, sad puppy eyes. 

Chan made a sound of disapproval, shifting under Changbin again to emphasize his insistence, “If it’s fine then just tell me.”

Changbin was fully planning on continuing to evade but it really didn’t look like Chan was letting this up anytime soon, “I’m just thinking about you, okay? You happy?”

Chan looked intrigued. Oh no. The older really was going to pester Changbin until he spat it out, “Me? What about me?”

“Chan,” he whined.

“Changbin,” Chan countered. 

Changbin looked at Chan for several long seconds, mentally debating. Eventually, he gave it up and looked away, “Just thinking about you.”

“We can play the guessing game if you want?” Chan teased, trying to get Changbin to ease up. 

“Shut up,” the younger huffed before the beginnings of a blush began to rise to his cheeks, “I’m thinking about us.”

Chan paused. If that meant what he thought it did, then many things would change. He wasn’t one to assume, either, not when it came to Changbin. The surprise was written plainly on his face nonetheless, making Changbin wish he hadn’t said anything at all. 

You’d think that by now that he would’ve learned his lesson about running his mouth, but Changbin clearly had his heart set on voicing every damn nugget that popped into his head. 

“What about us?” Chan asked, his voice much quieter now as he searched Changbin’s face for any indication as to what he meant. 

It was Changbin’s turn to squirm, his face on fire at this point. Chan knew damn well what he was talking about but he finished anyways. He’d dug his own grave, it was now time to lay in it, “Us. You. Feelings.”

“Like… _feelings_?” Chan asked, fingers drumming nervously against the small of Changbin’s back. 

Changbin let out a frustrated sigh, “ _Yes_.”

“Do— do you have feelings, Changbin?” Chan was very cautious, eyeing the younger as if he’d skitter off at any point. 

The younger felt a little shiver shoot up his spine, “Yes.”

“For one of the others?”

Now, Chan was clearly being purposely dense and Changbin knew he wouldn’t let up until he got what he was looking for, “No, dumbass.”

“Hey, there’s no need to get bitchy,” Chan chided, a smile already growing on his face, “If not for one of the others then for who?”

“ _You_.” Changbin finally said, “I have feelings for you. That’s what I’m thinking about.”

Chan didn’t say anything at first. He knew that had been what Changbin meant but hearing the younger say it out loud still threw him for a loop, mouth going dry as his mind blanked. Changbin wasn’t looking at him, a mix of mortification and relief painting his features as he waited for Chan to respond. 

“Well, this works out,” Chan said finally, breaking the tension between them. 

Changbin, confused, tilted his head to the side and met Chan’s eyes, “What do you mean?”

“I have feelings too,” Chan said with a little grin, pulling Changbin impossibly closer. 

Changbin decided to play dumb, “For one of the others?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

They both burst into a fit of giggles, the laughter only hushing after a minute. Chan was the first to reach out, lacing his fingers in Changbin’s. For once, there was no need for words. Chan leaned forward, his face mere inches away from the younger’s— he was asking for permission. Changbin was the one who closed the distance, locking their lips once and for all. 

The kiss was tentative, both of them far too inexperienced and shy to be overtly bold but despite the initial awkwardness, the two of them were quick to melt into it. Changbin quickly realized that Chan may have been his missing puzzle piece; they just fit together that well. 

*** 

Things, at long last, were going well. They were both happy; any hesitancy that lingered, faded quickly as they slowly adjusted to all their shared imperfections and idiosyncrasies. They fell into a good routine, and their relationship, in its entirety, really hadn’t changed all that much. Aside from the occasional make out session, they were the same people they had always been. Changbin was glad for that.

A familiar scene unfolded, a simple morning kiss turning into far more. Changbin smoothed his hands over Chan’s chest, innocently going to play with the hair on the back of his head as they lazily made out. This was how they spent most of their mornings— tangled up and sated, making up whatever excuses they could to stay in bed. 

Chan was the first to move, shifting so he had one hand on Changbin’s cheek and the other supporting his weight, leaning over the younger. The kiss deepened, Changbin poking out his tongue to drag across Chan’s bottom lip in encouragement, wanting more than he knew he’d get with every passing moment. 

He was waiting for Chan to stop him, for one of them to get shy and pull away. Sex was a strange subject— neither of them had done anything with anybody in a long time, and in Changbin’s case, he’d never done anything with anybody at all. These make out sessions were great at getting them both worked up but Chan was too anxious about pushing Changbin, while Changbin was far too private to actually ask for something like sex. It was a self-inflicted dilemma. 

Right now, though, it seemed that neither of them were stopping. Changbin nudged his tongue against Chan’s lips once again, a mere suggestion that they could deepen it further. Chan, jumping into action, parted them. Their tongues clashed, moving roughly against each other as the kiss grew messy. Chan took the opportunity to bite Changbin’s bottom lip, drawing out a pleading whimper. 

Then, suddenly, Chan was pulling away, pupils blown and lips slick with spit. There were clear signs of restraint written all over the older’s face as he caught his breath. Changbin didn’t realize what the problem was until he shifted his thigh, pressing against Chan’s crotch. The older was hard. That was why he stopped. Chan looked embarrassed, hissing softly before he was moving his hips away with a whine. 

“Just ignore that, I’m sorry,” he said, his face only turning a darker red as Changbin stared at him with ill-concealed curiosity. 

“What if I don’t want to?”

Chan just about choked on his own breath, eyes darkening further as he watched a pout settle onto Changbin’s face. When he didn’t say anything, the younger grabbed at his shirt, demanding his attention. 

“What, baby? What do you need?” Chan finally asked, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Changbin’s forehead. He wanted this just as much as the younger did. 

Changbin let out a little squeak, pausing before he grabbed Chan’s hand and guided it to his groin. He looked at the older once more for permission to which he was given a breathless, “Keep going, Binnie.” He brought Chan’s hand over his dick, pressing down and moaning softly. 

Chan swore, biting his bottom lip as he watched Changbin grind against his palm, “Baby, is that all you wanted? For me to touch you?”

He leaned forward again, hovering over Changbin’s smaller body. He drew his hand away from his crotch, making the younger whine at the loss, “Yes, please— just t-touch me.”

“Are you sure?”

Changbin whined impatiently, words crude and blunt, “Yes, if I wasn’t, your hand wouldn’t be on my dick.” 

“It’s not on your dick,” Chan shot back. 

“Not anymore, it isn’t. Who’s fault is that?” 

Chan connected their lips, swiftly bringing himself completely over Changbin with his leg slotted between the younger’s thighs. The kiss was lazy and wet, the two of them no longer afraid of sloppiness. Changbin began to grind his hips against Chan, his movements slow and stuttered and in an attempt to help the younger, Chan pressed his leg forward for ease of access.

The only thing that separated Changbin’s cock from the soft fabric of Chan sweats were his own boxers, rough against the head of his dick. It hurt but he didn’t mind, happy to take advantage of any friction he could get, even if it meant he’d chafe. Any concept of consequence had dissipated. The duvet hung over Chan’s body, encasing them both when it was pushed aside, the older pulling his shirt off and tossing it onto Changbin’s bed. Changbin moved to follow suit but stopped as soon as he’d hooked his fingers around the hem of his hoodie. He looked uneasy. 

Chan noticed immediately, pausing as his brows furrowed in worry, “Is this okay, baby?”

Changbin nodded but it clearly looked like he wanted to say something. Chan, ever so patient, brought himself down once more, noses brushing before he was nudging the younger’s face to the side. As soon as Changbin turned his head, Chan was pressing his lips to his jaw, peppering wet kisses along the skin of his neck and shell of his ear. 

“Talk to me and we can keep going,”  
Chan promised softly.

Changbin let out a desperate little noise, squeezing his eyes shut as he forced the words out in a small voice, “Can… can I please keep the hoodie on?”

The hoodie was Chan’s; a black one that sat a couple sizes too big on Changbin. It was comfortable, smelled like Chan’s cologne, and it made him feel less nervous. 

Chan was endeared, chuckling softly, “Would that make you feel better?”

Changbin opened his eyes and turned to meet Chan’s eyes, giving a hum of affirmation. 

“Then of course, baby.” Chan soothed, catching Changbin’s lips briefly before pressing another reassuring kiss to his head. 

Changbin’s cheeks reddened, unable to fight back a smile. He cupped Chan’s waist, dragging his hands over his abdomen before dipping lower and looping his fingers around the string of his sweats. He tugged, drawing Chan’s hips against the palm of his hand. It now became obvious that the older was not wearing any underwear. The thought that he hadn’t been wearing anything the entire time made Changbin twitch in anticipation. 

Chan moaned lowly, grinding his hips forward and urging the younger to touch him properly. Changbin complied, finally pulling Chan’s pants down just enough for his cock to spring out, curving prettily against tummy. He wrapped his fist around the base before running it up to the tip, pressing the pad of his thumb against the underside. He was inexperienced, but he knew to touch Chan in all the ways that made his own toes curl. 

“ _Shit_ , baby—“ Chan cursed in English before switching back to Korean, “That’s good, feels really good.”

He thrusted into Changbin’s grip, groaning at how smooth the glide was, precum coating the inside of the younger’s fingers. Chan snapped his hips back and pressed them forward again, fucking clumsily into Changbin’s hand, soft pants slipping past his lips as he looked at Changbin through half lidded eyes. 

Now, it was Changbin’s turn to swear, squeezing lightly around Chan’s dick. What Changbin began to notice was that Chan truly read like an open book; he shamelessly let his delicate features twist in pleasure, making no effort to hide how good Changbin was making him feel. It boosted the younger’s ego, moving his hand in time with Chan’s thrusts.

He didn’t know where it came from or why he was suddenly possessed to say it out loud but he found himself blurting out, “Please, fuck me.”

Chan halted his movements, tilting his head to one side and pressing his fingers into Changbin’s hip bone, “Like actually?”

“I mean— if you want to,” Changbin said, giving Chan the room to say no. 

“Do you want to be fucked?” A wicked, boyish smirk spread across his lips as he teasingly thrust against Changbin’s hand again. 

Changbin’s breath caught, “Y-yes.”

“Then I want to.” 

Chan hooked his index finger over the elastic of Changbin’s boxers, looking at the younger once to check for any signs of discomfort before pulling them down. Changbin shimmied his hips, kicking the clothing off before shyly grabbing the bottom of Chan’s hoodie, pulling it down and over his blushing cock. Chan thought the bashfulness was cute— everything about Changbin was cute from his small cock to his whimpers and whines. 

“Are you trying to hide from me, baby?” Chan teased, trying to ease Changbin’s hold on the hoodie, “There’s nothing to be shy about, I promise.” 

Changbin considered this for a moment before letting go, allowing Chan to push the hoodie up for the sake of access. The older took a moment to sit back, eyes raking over Changbin’s body. His dick rested against his soft stomach, a shade of pink that looked painful and his legs were spread, putting everything on display. He looked good with nothing but Chan’s hoodie on. He looked like Chan’s. 

“Stop staring and get to it,” Changbin complained, pulling at Chan’s arm in some attempt to get him to _do something_. 

Chan snorted, complying despite his teasing, “But you’re just so pretty, Binnie.”

Changbin didn’t get a chance to reply, tensing up when he felt Chan’s hand on his inner thigh, dangerously close to his ass. He didn’t tell Chan to stop though, parting his legs further to reassure the older. Chan gently pressed the flat of his index finger to Changbin’s rim, circling the puckered skin. 

“Have you ever…?” 

Changbin nodded shakily, “A few times. Didn’t have much of an opportunity with other people but I— I do it myself all the time.”

Memories of several late nights and showers spent with his fingers buried deep inside him passed through his mind. He remembered how it felt to come like that, panting Chan’s name. 

Chan hummed in acknowledgment, “And you’re sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” Changbin said plainly, not a hint of debate in his voice, “I trust you.”

Those words meant a lot, especially coming from Changbin. Chan was glad the younger trusted him— he had worked long and hard to earn it and he wasn’t breaking it anytime soon. 

“Okay,” Chan whispered, eyes wide with true and honest adoration, “Just— tell me if you need me to stop, alright? Uh, maybe tap me if you can’t talk.”

“I know, hyung, just keep going, _please_ ,” Changbin said, getting tired of all the chatting.

Chan stifled a laugh at the neediness, kissing his thigh once before pressing down against Changbin’s hole. It took some prodding, but his finger slipped in, making the younger clench his jaw, eyes fluttering shut as his lips formed an ‘o’. He tried his best to relax his muscles, knowing that being tense would only create more resistance. Chan was patient though, rubbing circles into his skin and watching him for any indication of pain. 

Changbin let out a deep sigh, swallowing tightly before giving Chan the go ahead to keep going. The older pushed the rest of his finger into Changbin before pulling it out and pushing it back in for a second time. The feeling was strange, Chan’s fingers reaching deeper inside of him than he’d ever managed to go by himself. He stayed put though, “A-another one, I c-can take it.”

Chan looked weary, not entirely sure if he wanted to try just yet. However, the younger was insistent so he broke, pressing in his middle finger alongside the first. He did the same as he’d done initially, only about half his finger inside of the younger so his body could adjust to the sensation. 

Changbin felt the sting now and bit his tongue, focusing on keeping his breathing even as Chan gave him more and more. This was very different from when he had done it himself. He hadn’t fully realized it with only the first, but Chan’s fingers were _thick_. 

It was a slow process, fingering Changbin open. The younger struggled to keep his body relaxed, every movement of Chan’s digits making his muscles twitch. Whether it was out of pain or pleasure, he didn’t know. Maybe both. Eventually though, Chan was properly pumping three fingers in and out of Changbin, curving them in an attempt to search for the younger’s prostate. It didn’t exactly feel _good_ yet for Changbin, but it didn’t feel bad either. With every pump, he grew to like it more. 

Chan twisted his fingers to one side, tongue poking out in concentration, and finally, his efforts were rewarded with a loud squeal. Changbin slapped his hands over his mouth as precum dribbled down the side of his cock. His vision had gone blank, jerking as a shock was sent through his body. That felt better than it ever had before and Changbin _needed_ to feel it again. 

“P-please, fuck me, I’m ready, I s-swear,” Changbin moaned, wanting more than just Chan’s fingers. 

Chan, completely enamored with the scene unfolding in front of him, agreed, “Fuck— okay, yeah, we can do that.”

He grabbed a bottle of lotion from the drawer in his stand. It wasn’t perfect but it would do the job. He made a mental note to buy the actual supplies they needed once they had finished. It dawned on him, midway through opening the lotion, that they didn’t have condoms. 

“Uh— Changbin, we don’t have…” he left the sentence as it was, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Changbin looked to be deep in thought, before he was waving it off, “It’s okay. You’re fine and I’m fine, right?” 

“Yeah?”

“It’ll be okay, then. Just— fuck me?” Changbin was mostly thinking with his dick it seemed, and Chan was so fucked. 

For the leader of the group, he really didn’t have as much willpower and impulse control as he wanted to have, especially when it concerned his dick. Changbin was right to an extent. Neither of them had had the opportunity for sex in a good long while; all of their most recent escapades had, obviously, been with each other and that hadn’t gone beyond kissing. 

“Okay.”

Changbin watched as Chan lathered his cock up with copious amounts of lotion, the fluid slippery between his fingers. He held the base, re-situating himself between Changbin’s thighs. He grabbed the younger’s leg, pulling it around his waist before pressing the tip of his cock to his entrance. Changbin grew increasingly antsy, growling softly as he forced his hips down against Chan. 

It did almost nothing, only the head slipping inside of him. He yelped and Chan groaned, the older clearly trying to keep in control of himself and the situation, “F-fucking hell— warn a guy next time.”

“You’re slow.” Changbin somehow found the coherency to be sassy, despite the fact that his current thoughts consisted only of Chan’s cock. 

“You don’t know how to wait.”

Changbin laughed, “You should teach me a lesson, _sir_.”

Chan growled, shifting more into Changbin, half of his dick now resting inside the younger. The more Chan gave him, the more Changbin realized how much this hurt. It wasn’t bad per sé, just a little uncomfortable at first; a sharp sting that dulled as he got his body to loosen. He breathed hard through his nose, throwing an arm over his eyes as he gestured for Chan to continue. 

“Are you okay?” Chan asked, running his hands under Changbin’s top and over his sides, “Do you need me to stop?”

Changbin shook his head, “N-no, I can do it, k-keep going.” 

So, Chan did. He kept going until he had bottomed out, hips pressed flush against Changbin’s. Now, it was _very_ hard to control himself. Changbin was tight and warm, periodically clenching around his cock as his smaller body got used to the size. Changbin still hadn’t moved his arm from his face and it concerned Chan, trying to focus his hazy mind on the younger. 

“C-can you look at me?” Chan requested, wanting to see for himself that everything was okay. 

If nothing else, Changbin was obedient, forcing his arm to his side and grasping at the sheets. He looked at Chan, eyes unfocused and glassed over with unshed tears. His chest was rising and falling unevenly and his bottom lip was bleeding just a little due to how much he’d bit at it. Chan brushed his sweaty hair back, and though he normally would be grossed out, right now, all Changbin could feel was grateful. 

“Should I m-move?” Chan asked, not wanting to make any decisions on Changbin’s behalf. Not when this was his first time. 

“ _Please_.”

Who was Chan to say no to that? He obeyed, drawing his hips back before snapping them back forward, grunting quietly. Changbin was tight, and the way the younger boy seemed to squeeze around him only made his head foggier, if that was possible. Changbin could feel the drag of Chan’s cock against his walls— he could feel every inch. Chan wasn’t massive but he was by no means small. He made Changbin feel full, and Changbin quite liked that. 

The older began very slowly, pressing kisses over Changbin’s cheeks and shoulders the entire time. He was attentive and caring. Whatever pain Changbin felt was easier to ignore when it was Chan’s lips against his skin, like little bursts of warmth and light. He hadn’t fully noticed that the older had begun to speed up, fingers lacing in Changbin’s before he was holding the younger’s arm above his head. 

Changbin let out a loud moan, head tilting back as he bucked up in search of more touch. Chan re-angled his hips and it only took a few thrusts before Changbin was crying out, Chan’s cock brushing directly against his sweet spot. This was going to be embarrassing— he knew he wasn’t going to last long. There was no chance, not when he was so close already and especially not when Chan was this _good_.

Chan was losing himself in the feeling, Changbin’s sounds spurring him on. He fucked into the younger hard and fast, gripping his wrist hard enough to leave marks. Changbin was clearly too fucked out to care, cock twitching as he rutted up against Chan’s stomach. The older let go of Changbin’s hand so he could wrap it around his neglected erection, only the head of Changbin’s cock peeking out from the top of his fist. 

“F—ah! Fuck, h-hyung, I’m g-gonna—“ Changbin tried his best to warn, words catching in his throat. 

Chan locked their lips messily, and Changbin knew that he understood. So, he let go. His world seemed to flash over in a million shades of vibrant _red_ , bursting at the seams. He floated amongst the clouds he had made such a habit of watching. 

Watching Changbin fall apart and let go was spectacular. His cheeks were rosy, as were his ears and dick, a sheen of sweat covering his honey colored skin. Not even Chan, a lover of romanticism, could truly justify it in words; Changbin was beyond words. He was _beautiful_. He put angels to shame. 

Chan couldn’t hold it anymore, his own release too fast approaching as he was quickly pulling out of Changbin and groaning as he came hard all over the younger’s stomach, their come mixing. Changbin was whining, still grinding up weakly against Chan as he rode out the rest of his orgasm. The older was clearly still recovering, panting heavily against Changbin’s neck as he slowly moved to wrap his arms around the younger’s waist. 

Changbin lifted his hand and ran his fingers through Chan’s hair, playing with the dark curls, “Hyung, I love you, but you are heavy and I am suffocating.” 

Chan froze. Changbin didn’t catch it, did he? The less it mattered, the more Chan thought. The words meant everything, but neither of them were very theatrical people; Chan and Changbin loved each other. They had for a very long time, and in a way, the words didn’t need to be said for the point to have been received. Years of friendship, and months of more was proof enough. 

Changbin eventually got fed up with Chan, pushing the older off of him and reclaiming his position, ironically enough, on top. It worked better this way, at least for cuddles, “You big lap dog.” 

Chan chuckled, tossing his arm over Changbin’s back and holding him tight, “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. You’re the one dating me, baby.” 

And just like that, things shifted once more for the sun had finally risen again.

*** 

_“Here comes the sun_

_and I say: It’s alright.”_

Changbin couldn’t sleep. He had originally dozed off with Chan before midnight, but now, he was awake, staring hard at an alarm clock that rested on Chan’s nightstand, serving as a constant reminder of his insomnia. It blinked— 6:47am. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep anymore and he knew it, rubbing his eyes in frustration. 

He could hear Chan’s soft breathing behind him, the older’s breath warm as it ghosted over the back of his neck. He could feel Chan’s heartbeat, steady and unchanging. Typically, that was enough to lull him to sleep, but not today. 

Instead of continuing to lay in the hopes that he’d eventually knock out again, he sat up in the dark room, Chan’s arm falling from around his waist with a thump. The older stirred but didn’t wake, burying his cheek further into his pillow. Changbin watched with a small smile, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the side of his head before slipping out of bed. He stopped again, letting his gaze fall on Chan’s peaceful expression. He truly was like the sun. 

Changbin managed to pull himself out of his thoughts, tearing his eyes away from his sleeping boyfriend and making his way out into the living room. He didn’t have to think, his legs taking him to his window. He’d spent many mornings after sleepless nights tucked up close to the glass— it was almost like his own, personal slice of tranquility. 

His mind would have wandered further had he not felt the weight of a blanket being draped over his shoulders, fingertips lingering against his exposed skin, and someone was sitting beside him with a thud. He didn’t have to look to know who it was, leaning against Chan as he kept his eyes set on the horizon. A mug was pressed into his hand, the smell of tea wafting into the air. No more gross coffee. That was nice. He didn’t even realize they kept tea in the house; Chan must have bought some. 

“Thank you,” he said, turning to the older. 

Chan only hummed, kissing Changbin’s temple in lieu of an answer. When the cup was set down, Chan, as usual, opened his arms in an offer. Changbin, being just as weak as he had been the first time they’d done this, climbed into them, partially sitting in Chan’s lap as he rested his cheek against the older’s collar bone. 

“Come back to bed with me?” Chan asked, his still voice rough with sleep. 

Changbin gave one last look outside. The warm hues were now peeking over the tops of the skyscrapers, the sun finally making its slow ascent into the vast sky. And then, he nodded. The rest of the day was theirs, after all. 

Besides, Changbin had decided that there was nowhere he’d rather be than Chan’s arms. 

Yes, a lot had changed in the passing months. He gained a lover, for one. The thought made a dopey smile rise to his lips, flecks of a pretty, tangerine color reflecting in his eyes as the sky lit up with the promise of a new day. It was once said that a sunrise was the closest a person could ever get to seeing God; Changbin agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> it’s levanter day!  
> have this plotty, self indulgent chanchang fic! it’s streaming time!
> 
> pls leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed, i appreciate every single one of them. thank u for reading ♡ 
> 
> talk to me on [nsfw twt](https://mobile.twitter.com/kittybinnle)!


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